Tuesday, August 14, 2012

what kind of wife are you?...

Photo Jodi Miller Photography

One day as I was driving home from the second Starbucks I had been to in that same day (don't ask) I received a text message from a friend that read, "What would it be like to be married to you?" That was it. No description, no pre-text, just that one question. For the record, I love this friend- she and I have had many deep discussions about some very awesome things...but I am not going to lie- this question caught me a bit off guard.

The funny thing is (well it might not be funny, but it is interesting to me) I happen to ponder this question a lot. Maybe more than is healthy or necessary. I'm sort of an anxious wife I've decided.

Anyway, that question got me thinking as I was driving home that day...

What kind of wife am I really?

Putting aside all negativities and self-conscious thoughts, I tried to think in a more black and white way about what kind of wife I really was. How would my husband describe me? How would my Father describe me?

If you're married and are anything like me, you tend to focus on the negative. I can't help it...sometimes the negativities just come. Not so much the negative in life, but definitely the negative in myself. I do this, a lot. I hear myself saying aloud "Why are you even married to me?" or "I'm such a horrible wife!" quite a bit more than I'd like to admit. I'm actually hating typing this "out loud" right now. I see all the faults in myself and see all the things I mess up and sort of focus on that.

It's in those things that I would define myself as a wife!

How very untrue my assumptions are though! Not to mention how unfair it is to my husband, to have to hear me say. Could you imagine being married to someone who constantly told responded to your compliments and encouragement with, "No, you're wrong! I am not that way, I am this way! You need to start to believe it!"


God has been speaking to me on this topic for some time. The thing is, it's only recently that I decided it would be a REALLY healthy thing to finally listen. Here are some things I've learned. First off, God sees me (not only me as a wife, but me as Christina) so very differently!

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." -Ephesians 2:10

I am God's masterpiece? Yes. I am God's masterpiece. You are God's masterpiece. If you have accepted Christ into your heart and love Him and trust in Him, you too are His masterpiece- you are what He's created us to be- believers and lovers of Him. What does this mean though? Well we're told in Psalms that this means He had everything to do with how we were made:

"You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—and how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. How precious are your thoughts about me, O God! They are innumerable!" -Psalm 139:13-17

We are also told just how special we truly are to Him:

"And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to him than a whole flock of sparrows." -Luke 12:7

I know these verses. I've heard them before. I love them actually. But what's my problem? Why don't I remember them when I'm sliding down the spiral into self pity and self hate? Why don't I believe them when I start to say to myself, "You're a horrible wife...He'd be so much better off without you?" In my opinion, there are three things that help us get into this rut:

  1. Satan. Duh. We knew this was coming. But it's so very true. He strives to have us believe the lies that go against what God thinks and says. Those little whispers you hear that get you to become so down on yourself. Those are him trying to get you to think "It's true" and forget all of God's love, blessings, and glory. Satan doesn't want you to remember that you're God's masterpiece and that God created you in His image and because He loves you so.
  2. Your Flesh. Your "own" thoughts. What you say to yourself, what you hear in your head. What your mind and body tell you to do or believe. Satan has his hands in this as well. You better believe this!
  3. The World. Media. Movies. "Friends". "Family". Whatever. This includes a lot. Have you ever had a family member say to you, "He'd be so much happier without you." Or "Look how miserable he is! We can see it! Since he's been with you he's just so...lonely and unhappy." ?? Satan loves to also whisper into others' minds and hearts and have them say such horrible things to you- hoping that his perfect combination: himselfothers/the world, and yourself/flesh will be the perfect recipe for your destruction and loss of faith! Satan tries with all his might to set up this perfect pitch to knock the ball way out of the park. (I'll probably bring this point up a lot in this blog. Satan's perfect combination of destruction. How easily we tend to believe it too.)
The thing is...how very wrong are all these lies!! God sees us so much differently. He sees us clean, new, His children, His masterpiece, white as snow, worthy of His love... Which then reminds me- So does my husband. So does your husband. This brings me back to my main point of this blog... What kind of wife am I really? What is it really like to be married to me?

I woke up this morning to a post it note on our tea kettle. It read "Please read Proverbs 31. It reminds me of you. I love you." So I did...

"Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him all her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant's ship; she brings her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day's work for her servant girls. She goes out to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She watches for bargains; her lights burn late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household because all of them have warm clothes. She quilts her own bedspreads. She dresses like royalty in gowns of finest cloth. Her husband is well known, for he sits in the council meeting with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs with no fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule when she gives instructions. She carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: "There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!" Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise." -Proverbs 31: 10-31

This is how my husband sees me?? Wow. Hard to believe at first...especially after a night like last night. But as I read it again and again I felt filled and started to see what my husband was talking about. "Hey! I do that!" or "Oh yeah I guess I do that too!!" started coming out my mouth. Why am I always so hard on myself? Why do I constantly believe the lies of Satan and the very untrue lies of others around me? Most importantly, why do I tell myself such awful things when my Father and my husband see me so much differently? I know I fear the Lord, and I know I love my husband unconditionally. I pursue my God and strive to be with Him all day everyday. I believe in Jesus and know for a fact He died so I can live! I cherish my husband and I adore him. I respect him and I truly try my hardest to submit and love him all of my days.

Today, Satan will not lie to me. Today I will NOT listen to the whispers or the words of negativity. For I am complete in Him.

"For in Christ the fullness of God lives in a human body, and you are complete through your union with Christ." - Colossians 2:9-10

So, fellow wives out there...What is it like to be married to you? What kind of wife are you? Are you a negative Nancy (no offense to any Nancys out there)- hating on yourself and unbelieving of the encouragement around you? Or are you God fearing, God loving, submissive, encouraging, and loving to your husband and yourself? Do you believe the lies? Or do you hear your Father's truth?


  1. Love this post. Very thoughtful. It was funny, one time my husband said that as I wife he thought I was a wonderful example of 1 Peter 3. {I thought he was being sarcastic, turns out he wasn't} I burst into tears, saying I know I should be more of a quiet spirit, I try, but it seems like I am more of a bull in a china shop girl. But after he explained he wasn't being sarcastic and he thought I really was a quiet and gentle spirit; it changed the way I viewed myself. I was actually left speechless.

    I love the note your husband left you. What an encouragement! Have a wonderful day Christina!

  2. Thank you for this very thoughtful post! So many truths. I love the little note your husband left you this morning. Mine has done that too before, and it is a cloud 9 feeling.

    I will never forget once, when my husband told me he thought I was a great example of 1 Peter 3. {I assumed he was being sarcastic, because no one has ever described me as a gentle spirit} I burst into tears, and said Im sorry. I try to be a gentle spirit. He looked at me and said I am not being sarcastic. I was left speechless. What an encouragment? It changed the way I view myself and that maybe I am harder on myself than I should be.A Proverbs 25:11 kind of moment.

    1. I thank God every single days for blessing me with the husband He has. We wives definitely need encouragement, sometimes daily. I'm so glad to hear you've been blessed with a lovely man as well!!!

      Don't let Satan steal that joy!

  3. I love your blog, is beautiful!!!Kisses!

  4. hmm that is a good question and one definitely worth pondering over. there are definitely areas i want to improve upon for sure. and thanks for sharing that verse, I need to guard myself by putting on the full armor of God and not let Satan bring or tear me down today

    1. You're so very very welcome!

      We all need to remember to guard ourselves daily- if not by the minute! There's a real enemy out there and his biggest goal is to get to us Christians and destroy marriage- Marriages bonded in Christ!


Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones. Proverbs 16:24

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